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Tips especially for women

Being well stimulated

The amount of vaginal stimulation required to elicit sexual response may increase as women age. This need for increased stimulation can be revealed by a general sexual unresponsiveness. Constant clitoral stimulation is required by some women to become sexually aroused. This can be accomplished through manual or oral stimulation provided by their partner. An alternative source of stimulation is a vibrator. Vibrators can supply constant stimulation to the clitoris and vagina, and can also be used to relax and stimulate other areas of the body.  For those who want to try a vibrator but are unsure where to start, we recommend the Pocket Rocket.  This little device is a perfect first vibrator.  It provides strong vibrations and is not shaped like a penis - which some men find disconcerting.

Being well lubricated

Some women have trouble producing natural lubrication as they become older. The glands that produce the secretions which aid comfortable sex begin to secrete in smaller amounts, or some not at all. Poor lubrication during sex can lead to irritation and discomfort, and can reduce pleasurable sensation. The best thing to do is to use sufficient amounts of lubricant during sex. We recommend Astroglide; an extremely slippery, pleasant tasting water-based lubricant.

New partners

If you are starting a new relationship in later life, unresponsiveness may be a problem due to nervousness or unfamiliarity with your new partner. The quirks, nooks and crannies of a new body must be explored and appreciated well before a couple can be completely comfortable. Often the sexual rituals appreciated with a former partner are not compatible with those of the new lover. If this is the case, then be sure to tell your partner what feels good to you. Open, specific and detailed communication right from the very beginning will go a long way in adapting to the new experiences in front of you.

How to change the ritual

Often couples who have enjoyed sex over the course of their lives have developed a sexual routine. When sexual excitement begins to wane, it may be a time to reexamine the ritual. You may choose to introduce new techniques or props into your lovemaking ritual to get some of the spark back.

Many couples experiment with a vibrator or adult toy.  These once taboo items are now becoming a part of mainstream adult sexuality.  They allow partners to relax as they provide intense stimulation.  A couple looking to introduce a vibrator should try the Diving Dolphin - a blue vibrator worn by a man but experienced by both partners. If you're looking for something especially for women, try the Rab bit Pearl.  This vibrator, featured on Sex and the City, is incredible. It provides intense vaginal and clitoral stimulation.  You won't find a better vibe.

For more information, consult our Better Sex section.

Timing is everything

Years ago, sex may have been difficult to schedule with busy homemaking, children and careers. Many couples would make love before they went to bed because it was simply the only time they had. Now it may be very different. For many older individuals the prospect of having sex just before bedtime is not a popular one. Many people are exhausted and are ready to settle in for a good night's sleep. Sex is not pleasurable when you are not relaxed. Try to find times during the day when you are well rested and alert. Some couples find that the early morning is the best time to make love, after a good night’s sleep. The early afternoon (an hour or two after lunch) may be ideal, perhaps indulging in a bath or shower afterward.

Places for sleep and places for sex

Your bedroom may be where you have to spend some of your most intimate moments. As you get older, your needs change. For some it may no longer be practical for you and your partner to share a double bed. For a partner with health ailments a bed of his/her own is sometimes necessary. If you find that this is a problem that affects your sex life then it may be best to have a larger bed that is for lovemaking and a separate bed for one of you. The addition of an extra bed does not mean that similar closeness during sex cannot continue. Rather, it should be seen as a place to sleep soundly afterward.